Electing the joke

“FROM HIS experience and educational background, Duterte comes off as an intellectual illiterate who has nothing more substantial to offer in public discourse than bluster and one-liners passed off as sound arguments.”

Intellectual illiterate! How dare you, old man Doro, call the next president that!

Oops, the passion of the moment – “utter anger” as the man would say – got me there. Okay, now, much as I hold in the highest esteem the venerable Armando Doronilla, I cannot agree any lesser with his prejudgment of the next president, presumptuously.  

Rather than reflective of being an intellectual illiterate, Duterte’s “one-liners” are indicative of a superior intelligence, genius even. Why, none of the other presidential pretenders, indeed not one of all the past Philippine presidents, the towering intellectual that was the Great Ferdinand not excluded, could have or ever had condensed the full essence of his/her national policy statements in one-liners.

Only Duterte. Thus:

On the separation of state and Church: Pope, putang ina ka, umuwi ka na. Huwag ka nang bumisita dito.

If you obey the CBCP (Catholic Bishops Conference of the Philippines), fine go with them but for me they’re dumb as they don’t understand what I said.

On foreign relations: This is politics. Stay out. Stay out Australian government. Stay out. (On the Australian ambassador’s tweet that his rape joke was unacceptable).

“Bakit, ikaw ba pupunta ng Mexico ngayon? Could you enjoy going to Mexico with kidnappings and killings there? Drugs. (Right to the face of the Mexican ambassador to the Philippines).

On resolving the West Philippine Sea row with China: “Let’s not talk about ownership and I will not make noise about it. If you want, let’s do a joint exploration. Just give me my part (of the agreement) whatever it is, (it may be) a train system from Manila to Mindanao. For six years, I will shut up.

Wow, statesmanship at par with Great Britain’s Neville Chamberlain declaring “peace for our time” as he held aloft his Munich Agreement with Adolf Hitler.

On his legislative agenda: I will close Congress. Do you know why? I will use the money to improve the (performance of) guys in government.
On Martial Law: Bakit ako mag-Martial Law? Simple: sarahan ko lang 'yung gate ng Congress. I-lock ko lang. Wala na kayong (lawmakers) opisina.

On labor: You KMU (Kilusang Mayo Uno) people should stop the labour unions…But do not do that because you will destroy my administration. If you do that, I will kill you all. What would happen is, the solution would be killing.

On equitable taxation: If you pay to the BIR (Bureau of Internal Revenue), you prepare also for the NPA (New People’s Army).” (In a gathering of business leaders).

On education: ‘Yung Calculus alisin ko talaga yan. Dumaan kayo ng high school, ano ang natutunan niyo sa Calculus, Trigonometry? ‘Yang Algebra palitan mo na ‘yan ng Business Math.

On presidential succession: Ibibigay ko kay Bongbong pag hindi ko nagawa. (Eradicating criminality within three to six months of his presidency).

Why, the man even advances an ingenuous approach integrating population control with fisheries development: Magbantay kayo kasi yang 1,000 maging 100,000. Dyan mo makikita na tataba ang isda sa Manila Bay. Dyan ko kayo itapon. (Message to criminals).

On gender equality: Kasi bayot sila! Hindi nila kaya. Ako kaya ko, kasi lalaki ako.

On health: I can’t imagine life without Viagra.

On opening the Palace: Buksan ko ang libro ng Malacañang. Kung may magagandang naghihintay diyan sa labas, buksan ko 'yung pinto ng kwarto ko.

And then, who of his rivals can even relate to his anthropological take on the ethos of the poor: Ganun talaga magsalita ang mga ano...galing ako dyan sa baba, eh. Di naman ako anak ng coño.

Ain’t Duterte’s stand, okay, pronouncements, on the above compendium of national issues brilliantly impressive?

Still, Doronilla could not be budged: “All the issues are irrelevant, most of all Duterte, who does not embody any ideology for political and social change. He is a big joke—not to be taken seriously.”

Pity poor old Doro. There, surely will be lynching in the internet from here. To the keyboards, ‘tards.

Seriously now, Doro, aren’t you just forgetting this truth so trite it has long become a truism, “The trouble with political jokes is they get elected”?  

Only for the electorate to find – always too late, ever to their utter consternation and grave peril – that the joke was on them.

Ay, ay, ay. Truly, as it has been quoted here before: A people dumbed is a nation damned. No joke there. So, I am voting NOTA.