Moronic verses, satanic phrases

"KUNG NAGPASOK ka ng contraband sa airport, paano naging problema ng gobyerno yun? (If you brought in contraband at the airport, how did that become a problem of government?)”

Idiotic goes Mar Roxas there, absolutely unbecoming of his Wharton education. No matter the school’s validation that he indeed finished his undergraduate course, and therefore, rightfully, belongs in its alumni book.

Roxas’ take on the tanim-bala phenomenon is but one of the memorable soundbites that rose above the cacophony of politics in the year just past. Aye, voices impacting singularly on the (un)fitness of presidential presumptions, belying indubitably presidential pretensions.

Where Roxas was simplistically moronic, Rodrigo Duterte was graphically horrific: "Tinapos ko talaga. Sabi ko, p---na nito, ito ang killing na maganda. Pumorma pa talaga ako na parang Fernando Poe…Tapos kinarga ko sila doon sa kotse nila, binuksan ko yung tangke, sinunog ko (I really finished them off. I said, (expletive) this is a good killing. I even posed like (the action star) FPJ… Then I bundled them into their car, I opened the gas tank, burned them) to show my brutality.”

Naturally turning both terrifyingly outlandish and outlandishly terrifying: “700 daw ang pinatay ko? Nagkulang ho sila sa kuwenta.” (I killed 700? They underestimated the figures).”

So, how many really?

“Mga 1,700.” (Around 1,700.)

Human rights be damned!

In keeping with his brusko persona, Duterte could not but complement his bang-bang tough guy with his kiss-kiss lover boy: “May asawa ako, may pangalawang asawa ako. Dalawa ang girlfriend ko…Buksan ko ang libro ng Malacañang. Kung may magagandang naghihintay diyan sa labas, buksan ko 'yung pinto ng kwarto ko (I have a wife, and a second wife. I have two girlfriends…I will open the books of Malacanang. If there are beauties waiting outside, I will open my bedroom.)"

Cry sexism, Gabriela! 

But for all his macho posturing, Duterte is not incapable of juvenile diversions, as in his recent spirited exchange with Roxas rising out of the elitist’s now demythicized Wharton education.    

Roxas to Duterte’s challenge: "Sampalan? Bakit sampalan, pambabae 'yan. Suntukan na lang 'di ba? (Slapping? Why, that’s for women. Let’s have a fistfight instead)."

Duterte’s riposte: "Barilan na lang. Ang mga mayayaman takot 'yan mamatay. Ano naman ang katatakutan ko? (Let’s just have a gun duel. The rich are afraid to die. So what am I to fear?)"

Reminds me of the settling of infantile differences at the elementary schoolyard after class: all talk, little action.

As pugnacious Roxas and Duterte were, Grace Poe and Jejomar Binay were slavishly patronage-seeking. At least on the issue of the Iglesia ni Cristo implosion.

In the midst of the paralysis at EDSA caused by the INC rally, Poe had this to say:

“Huwag din natin maliitin ang importansya ng relihiyon. Ang mga tao na 'yan, ang dinedepensahan nila ay ang kanilang paniniwala. Nirerespeto natin 'yan at kailangan pangalagaan din ang kanilang karapatan (Let’s not belittle the importance of religion. Those people are only defending their faith. We respect that, and we should also respect their rights.) After all, those of us in government have the responsibility to explain well to the people the reason for the steps we have taken.”   

Seconded Binay: “We cannot fault the INC for resorting to mass action to protect the independence of their church from a clear act of harassment and interference from the administration.”

Yeah, only the idiot fails to see where Poe and Binay’s hugot came from and where they were going. The INC bloc, duh. That, with Antonio Ebangelista’s unraveling revelations of the “sins” of the sect’s hierarchy, is in real danger of turning into the INC blot. 

In the field of religion vis-à-vis politics, who else but Duterte can get the longest publicity mileage. For good, or bad, matters not, as that clichéd showbiz quip has long established.   

So the globally beloved Francis be damned: “Sabi ko, ‘Bakit?’ Sabi sarado na [ang daan]. Sabi ko, ‘Sinong darating?’ Sabi si Pope. Gusto kong tawagan, ‘Pope, p—na ka, umuwi ka na. ‘Wag ka nang bumisita dito. (I said ‘Why?’ They said the road is closed. I said ‘Who is coming?’ They said the Pope. I wanted to call him ‘Pope, you SOB, go home. Do not visit us’)”

So the Mystical Body of Christ be the object of Duterte’s wrath: “I will destroy the Church and the present status of so many priests and what they are doing…You priests, bishops, you condemn me and suggest I withdraw, but then I will start to open my mouth. There are so many secrets that we kept as children. Do not force (me to speak) because this religion is not so sacred.”

So who seeks to destroy the Church?

Find it in Matthew 16:18: “And I say also unto thee, that thou art Peter, and upon this rock I will build my Church; and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it.”

Yeah, where Roxas is merely moronic, Duterte is utterly satanic.